Root of the walk

Gaze c.2007

I don't remember why I ventured out on this night time walk by Hollywood and Highland.  I'll assume I was simply restless that night. While looking at this picture, I began to think about when I became aware of my long walks.

Earlier today, I read an article on yahoo that ranked L.A. third among the dirtiest cities in the country.  "AFC voters also put traffic-clogged Los Angeles in last place for being pedestrian friendly..." 

I’ll be the first to agree with this. This city is definitey not pedestrian friendly in comparison to most other major cities that I've visited. But I usually find comfort and freedom in taking crazy long walks. I’ll credit my grandmother for that. 

It started when I was 7yrs old. I had to sell 5 boxes of chocolates for my school’s fundraiser, and if you sold 5 boxes, then you won a free trip to Disneyland. We didn’t have much money so this was the only way for me to earn a ticket in. I guess you can say this was my first job. Many of the students gave their boxes to their parents where they'd sell them at work. Since my grandmother worked in a sweatshop and my mom wasn’t working at that time, that wasn’t an option. Everyday after school my grandma would pick me up and hand me a box of chocolates, much to my horror. Instead of taking our normal route home,  which included 3 buses, she’d made me walk from Brooklyn (Cesar Chavez now) & Boyle all the way home to Whittier & Townsend. It was a little less than 4 miles, but it was an awful lot for a little girl and an old lady.

She made me ask every person that walked by us. Pushed me into every business on the street. Made me stand in front of gas stations until we were kicked out for soliciting. Auto shop mechanics were my best customers. Dentists were not. At the end of it all, she not only tested my stamina, but also taught my first lesson in earning. As if a 7 yr old needed extra appreciation for a trip to Disneyland. I’m glad she made me do it, though. She made walking through this crazy town completely normal as well as altered my definition of a long walk, for life.

Restart

Think of a place where you're completely in your element.

Now think of being away from that place for a year.

That's what being away from the darkroom has been for me.

I'm pretty sure Freestyle misses my business.

An apology

Ditch days

c.2007

(Written March 2011)

Mom,

Late last year when you had the sudden urge to eat at Clifton’s Cafeteria, I thought it was really strange. I remember going there several times when I was little but I didn’t remember the food being anything special. My memories attached to that place are associated with a specific court case when I was 8.  That’s where we ate right after the trial and I don't remember enjoying it after that day.

When I asked why you suddenly wanted to go back, you shared something I never heard before. Your first meal when you came to this country was at Clifton’s Cafeteria. That was actually really cool to learn. But for some reason (my own selfish reasons) I kept putting off our lunch date at Clifton’s. To tell you the truth, there were too many other places I wanted to take you to eat instead. I tried my best to keep our bi-monthly lunch dates. But in the end, I let my own bad memories associated with Clifton’s deprive you of your own nostalgia.

When your neurological exam was finally scheduled for Friday March 25^th, I was happy for many reasons. Not only was I thrilled that you were prepared to take the necessary steps to tackle this brain tumor, but I was also looking forward to our ditch day. We were finally going to eat at Clifton’s and then go to the L.A. Zoo, like you’d been wanting for some time. That was the plan.

My heart stopped for a moment when I saw you lose consciousness the night of the 11^th. On the way to the hospital, I didn’t want to believe that this was all unraveling two weeks before your scheduled exam, and before our ditch day. As the days passed, I became anxious, especially when I learned of the possibility of multiple procedures. I wanted you to come home for a while before going back to the hospital. When the first procedure didn’t go as planned, I couldn’t wait for you to wake up. The danger was becoming too real. I shared my fears with my close friends and I couldn’t wait to promise you we’d be going to Clifton’s the moment you got out of there. My worst fears were confirmed when I was informed you were rushed to a second emergency procedure and you were never going to wake up. From one day to the next, I never thought my last words to you would be just that. Last words.

 I’m so sorry I kept putting off your simple requests…a meal at Clifton’s being the most recent one. That will always haunt me every time I walk by the corner of 7^{th  &} Broadway. Of course there are a million other things I would’ve done differently. I honestly assumed we had more time. Everyday I wish we had more time.